Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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