I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
