Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
