Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
