I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
