i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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