Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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