i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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