And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
