I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
