I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
