I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
