Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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