I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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