Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
