At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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