So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're a disaster
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