i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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