Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
