possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
