Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
