Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
