My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
