So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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