how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
