Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
