he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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