The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
