Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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