i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
