I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
