ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize