After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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