who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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