he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
