Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
