just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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