i was born a porn star she said
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
