Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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