So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize