Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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