Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize