my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
