guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
