I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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