idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
