I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
