Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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