I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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