Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
