508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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