a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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