I smell stomach acid.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
