I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
