if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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