My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
