I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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