I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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