Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
