Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
