I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to align my fucking chakras
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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