peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
