Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
