My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize