he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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