My Higher Power is John Stamos
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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