i already hear my dad disowning me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
