you guys were way drunker than both of me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
