i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
