i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize