he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
