And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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