Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I AM VODKA MAN
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Randomize