When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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