why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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