I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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