So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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