But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
