If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
