Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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